It happened again today.
Yet another guy reaches out to me on social media to flirt who is a fraud. This seems to occur on a fairly regular basis. The scenario is the same: Boy reaches out to girl with compliments. Girl responds with gratitude for said “nice” compliments. Boy begins asking questions about girl which quickly escalate into the personal. But Boy won’t answer any questions that are directly posed to him.
As I’m not a man, I am ill qualified to to comment on how this happens with them. I have a male friend who has encountered female fraudsters and the tactics seem to be quite similar.
This time it happened on Skype. I received an invitation to chat with a man I didn’t know. I use Skype for professional purposes and sometimes get invitations from headhunters. I cautiously accepted the chat invite thinking that this could be the case. But my spidey senses were somehow triggered so I was on high alert.
The correspondence lasted for a grand total of 19 minutes — From 10:09 am to 10:28 am.
It didn’t take him long to begin the litany of pathetic attempts to sweeten me up for what he must have thought would be “The Kill.”
He was immediately grateful that I accepted his request and “glad to have [me] here.” He instantly launched into complimenting me by saying that I’m “such a lovely and good looking woman that every man will love to have in his life.”
This was a dead give away. Notice the incorrect language usage? And who does he think he is? The man doesn’t even know me and he is already assuming that “every man” would love me in their life? That was a very high compliment indeed — one that I can scarcely live up to…
Now, you may consider giving him the benefit of the doubt — the man is just trying to be nice by way of flirting because he is interested. However, experience has taught me that, in these circumstances, this is almost never the case.
I have joined and belonged to several singles’ dating sites over the past four years, and there seems to be a pattern of behavior to all of this. While I have never been a victim of fraud, I have had some near misses where I wasted a lot of time chatting with someone only to find that they were really only interested in separating me from my hard earned cash.
At this point, I’m only interested in whether we have some professional connection (perhaps he’s a headhunter trying to flirt?) and so I ask for his LinkedIn profile.
Conveniently he doesn’t use LinkedIn but manages to “hangout” on Skype. Notice his consistently challenged use of the vernacular?
At this point I’m interested in how he found me. I’m informed that he discovered my “sweet profile” when Skype suggested me as a friend. Groan…I’m thinking “How does he know of my ‘sweet’ profile? There is nothing on Skype but a photo.”
Now, I’m fairly new to Skype, but not to most other forms of social media. While I’ve seen suggested friends lists on some social media sites, I have never encountered them on Skype. He must think I’m a complete moron . . .
But he remains undaunted by my skepticism and attempts to smooth it over by commenting on how he was “carried away by my smile…” Interesting, my photo on Skype doesn’t really classify as a “smile” — just a demure upward curving of the mouth — no teeth showing.
By now, this buttering up is beginning to make me nauseous. He must think I’m desperate. I have to find a way to dissuade him from further dialog. How can I do so politely? I thank him for the compliment but brace myself for further assault. Meanwhile he begins the “hard sell” while making an attempt to extract information from me.
He lists his traits as if they are qualifications on a curriculum vitae that will get him hired. Formulaically he’s careful to mention that he is an “honest, faithful, truthful man of God.” Maybe he thinks I’m a simple-minded god-fearing middle aged woman who is lonely? I’m feeling slightly offended. I doubt he knows what he’s up against…
While such information is important in the selection of a mate, it is hardly something that I would believe of someone just because they invoke the words.
I try to get rid of him through intimidation. Perhaps if I tell him that I’m a busy corporate big-wig and an atheist he’ll leave me alone? I do it.
It doesn’t work.
Instead, he presumes that I’ll surrender personal information just by virtue of the asking. He attempts to size me up. Am I single? Do I live alone? Am I unhappily married? Do I have kids? In short, he wants to know how easy of a target I’ll be…
Now I’m feeling surely and don’t want to play his game anymore. Did he even bother to read what I wrote? He should be offended by my claims of atheism and want to end it. But he doesn’t. And this oversight confirms his true motives. I attempt to rebuff his questioning — which he ignores. He’s wasting my time. I’m really beginning to dislike this guy…
He must sense his danger as he switches tactics. He begins appealing to my values, and my sense of pity and compassion. Now he claims to be a widower and a single parent. But I am not taken in by it. This is a tactic used by many fraudsters in an attempt to appeal to one’s sense of decorum, decency, pity and guilt.
I’m beginning to feel a serious case of ennui with this game. He’s wasting my time. So, I let him know that I’m on to him in hopes that he’ll immediately terminate all contact. I tell him that his attempts at fraud will fail. I even encourage him to change his evil ways and “get a real life.” If he’s up to no good this should scare him and he’ll leave me alone.
But his hubris defies common sense.
He won’t give up so easily. He tries to talk me out of my suspicion. He thinks he’s caught a loaded and fat fish that he’ll be able to dine on later. He voluntarily offers information about himself — claiming to be a physician working for the United Nations. I guess this is supposed to impress me? Now I’m convinced that my new found friend is a shameless unmitigated fraud. I decide that I’ll continue to play after all — just to see how stupid he thinks I am and how far he’ll take it…
AND I REALLY want to expose him. If he works for the United Nations, he should be able to tell me which UN auxiliary he works for. Perhaps UNICEF or the UNHCR?
I ask the question. He has no idea that this is a test.
He’d rather wallow in the embarrassment of ignorance then betray any wrong doing. His pathetic attempt at flattery is noticed by me as obfuscation. I fail to see how a “sweet photo” of me could give anyone joy? He’s clearly off topic. He must think I’m really lonely and desperate. His questionable command of the English language is glaring. I would expect a better grasp of it if he were truly raised in the United States and completed medical school.
What an idiot.
I attempt to get rid of him again by reinforcing that I’m an atheist. Perhaps he missed my earlier reference to it?
I hope he gets really offended — that he sees me as a blasphemous heretic and leaves me alone. I’ll drive the idea home just to make sure. Whispering a silent prayer to the powers that be I write it…
“I am an atheist”
“I do not believe in god”
“Or better put…”
“I lack a belief in god.”
Oh my….
He’s unphased…
He remains intent on the target with a new tactic from his bag of tricks:
Oh my gosh, did he actually have the audacity to ask me for my height and weight? He clearly isn’t getting it. The fact that he seems comfortable asking it is appalling. This has to end.
I stick to my guns and press for an answer about the UN. But he wants me to feel sorry for him and says that he’s been living alone since his wife passed. Earlier he mentioned his daughter. Gee, I wonder what happened to her?
Then he tells me that he’s been in Syria for the past four weeks with the UN medical department. This is obviously the wrong answer. It’s too generic and as a doctor he would most likely be staffed with the UNHCR and not some nebulous rinkydink ” medical department.”
Even if all of this wasn’t a ruse he clearly has no sense. Why would a widower put himself in a dangerous place like Syria if they are raising a child? His logic defies reason. No responsible parent would do it. Especially for someone who is supposed to be a well-educated doctor — who doesn’t really need to work in such a highly dangerous place for the lack of work elsewhere. . .
By this time I’ve lost all patience for his silliness. I decide that I’m done playing. I allowed him to waste 19 minutes of my precious life and I abruptly end it. I call him on his end game and block him.
Now I need to figure out how I can report this shmuck to Skype. They need to know that some poor guy may have had his identity stolen and it’s being used to prey on unsuspecting women.
In the meantime, I’m hungry. I think I’ll kill this hunger by eating a banana…
Being Single at 50 